Opening myself up to other opportunities currently, hoping to grab hold of a better deal. A place where I can learn stuff or improve on what I already know. Of course, if money is good then it's quite a bonus. But it seemed like luck really isn't on my side, many people have called me regarding openings yet there haven't been much solid replies or offers. Most are just like "asking around".

It rained today when I went for school. Something dumb happened at the bus stop when I was trying to board the bus. You see, most of the people at that moment were waiting for the bus to SIM. Then when the bus came, everyone was like trying to get as dry as possible while boarding the bus. Then came these dunno-where-did-they-pop-out-from people, who just dashed in from the side with the half-opened umbrella and tried to squeeze up the bus, causing a jam at the door. The dumb part was the umbrella was guiding all the rainwater onto all those waiting behind. Many cursed and swear. There was even this indian man who got his face washed by rainwater from an umbrella. lol.

Anyway, been thinking of getting a new computer this May or June. But after much thinking, I'm not really quite sure whether I should get one. Many things are on my wish-list, a driving license, a tv, a ps3, a new computer and also getting my CCNA. So many things.. so little money. argh!!! Also regarding the universities' new policy of some compulsory comm skills module, it really upsets me when I got to know that I would have to spend one more semester just to clear my comm skills module which proves no use for my field of expertise. Written in to the university, now waiting for reply. Hope good news would come to my ears.

I really hope I've already hit the bottom of the pit and I'm just on my way up the pit. Many bad things have happened, so I supposed it's about for the good ones to start firing off.

IGNITED!! :)

Not sure why but recently I just felt so helpless and so directionless. It seems to me that life has become so short for me that I don't think I can do all that I want in this lifetime.

It has already been 22years and yet I do not even know myself well nor do I know what I want for myself in life. Many plans have been made, big talks given and all the sounded-so-marvellous kind of ideas were given, yet till now I've yet to make them all happen. I feel that I have been the same me like 5 years ago or maybe I should say it seems that I have given up on improving myself since I left secondary school. I've never felt confident of myself since then. (Erm well not really never, but most of the times)

I can only come to one conclusion which I think is the most logical explanation for me. Fear of failure, I must say during my primary school, I've done real well until I went to secondary school when I faced with failures... once and again they came knocking on my door. The fear of failure had been deeply etched into my mind and it is kind of difficult to remove or overcome it. This explains why I always try to hurry through things and try to gain success through the easiest and fastest way available. But most of the times to no avail.

I do not wish to say this but I really do feel that I am a loser. I see people around me improving themselves and moving on in life. Yet, I'm still here running on the spot. There seems to be a total hibernation in my mind through the National Service. My brain was on a total shutdown status, taking in nothing other than garbage or non-useful knowledge. Maybe it's just me, because so many went through NS and yet they could still prosper.

There's so much I wish to accomplish in life... yet there's really too little time for me to learn all of it. Maybe games have really taken up a big chunk of my life. Maybe I should really give up on time-consuming games...

So many maybes .. argh =( Who can give me some directions in which I can follow ?