Not sure why but recently I just felt so helpless and so directionless. It seems to me that life has become so short for me that I don't think I can do all that I want in this lifetime.

It has already been 22years and yet I do not even know myself well nor do I know what I want for myself in life. Many plans have been made, big talks given and all the sounded-so-marvellous kind of ideas were given, yet till now I've yet to make them all happen. I feel that I have been the same me like 5 years ago or maybe I should say it seems that I have given up on improving myself since I left secondary school. I've never felt confident of myself since then. (Erm well not really never, but most of the times)

I can only come to one conclusion which I think is the most logical explanation for me. Fear of failure, I must say during my primary school, I've done real well until I went to secondary school when I faced with failures... once and again they came knocking on my door. The fear of failure had been deeply etched into my mind and it is kind of difficult to remove or overcome it. This explains why I always try to hurry through things and try to gain success through the easiest and fastest way available. But most of the times to no avail.

I do not wish to say this but I really do feel that I am a loser. I see people around me improving themselves and moving on in life. Yet, I'm still here running on the spot. There seems to be a total hibernation in my mind through the National Service. My brain was on a total shutdown status, taking in nothing other than garbage or non-useful knowledge. Maybe it's just me, because so many went through NS and yet they could still prosper.

There's so much I wish to accomplish in life... yet there's really too little time for me to learn all of it. Maybe games have really taken up a big chunk of my life. Maybe I should really give up on time-consuming games...

So many maybes .. argh =( Who can give me some directions in which I can follow ?